Licence to Panic: A Nervous Driver’s Guide to Survival
Because Learning to Drive Shouldn't Feel Like a Horror Movie
Picture this: You’re gripping the steering wheel like it’s the last thing tethering you to this world. Your instructor, outwardly calm, is casually sipping coffee, as if you’re not about to barrel through a roundabout like an over-caffeinated kangaroo. You’re sweating, your foot is hovering between the brake and the accelerator like you’re defusing a bomb, and suddenly, the GPS has the audacity to say, “Recalculating.”
Welcome to learning to drive with anxiety.
Driving instructors, bless their souls, are a special breed. They can withstand emergency stops that weren’t that necessary, endure turn signals that never actually result in a turn, and remain unfazed when their student tries to enter a parking spot at a 45-degree angle to the rest of civilization. And yet, if you put one of them in a room with a huntsman spider, they’ll burn the house down before they let that thing win.
But for those of us who overthink every possible worst-case scenario, driving is an extreme sport. Every red light is an interrogation, every lane change feels like playing Tetris at 100 km/h, and merging? Well, that’s just a game of “Who’s Braver?” that we never want to play.
The Anxiety-Approved Road Rules
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The Brake Is Your Best Friend
You might not trust yourself, but at least trust the fact that slamming on the brake won’t launch you into another dimension. Yes, the car will stop, and no, you won’t be flung into the stratosphere like a bad action movie stunt.
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The Indicator Is a Polite Suggestion, Not a Legal Contract
You put the blinker on and move… or you hesitate, panic, and stay exactly where you are, making everyone around you question what your intentions are. Either way, no one will be happy.
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Roundabouts Are Just Passive-Aggressive Circles
You don’t enter a roundabout—you summon the courage to merge into a whirlpool of questionable decision-making. You glance right, see a car 500 meters away, and somehow convince yourself that it’s coming at Mach speed and you’ll never make it. You wait. And wait. And wait… until a helpful honk reminds you you’ve been stationary for an entire lunar cycle.
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Parking: The True Test of Adulthood
You could perform a flawless lane change at 80 km/h, but ask you to reverse park in front of an audience? Your legs suddenly forget how to function, your hands refuse to turn the wheel in the right direction, and that one person watching from the café window is now your lifelong enemy.
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The Invisible Passenger—A.K.A. Anxiety Itself
Your instructor is telling you to turn left, but Anxiety has a different agenda. Anxiety says, “What if left doesn’t exist?” Anxiety asks, “What if you turn the wheel and the car just… keeps going?” Anxiety reminds you that one time you tripped on a flat surface in Year 8 and suggests you’re simply not cut out for operating heavy machinery.
Final Thoughts
Learning to drive is terrifying, sure—but so is sending a risky text, trying to find your way in a shopping centre car park, or making a phone call to book an appointment. At least with driving, there’s a reward: freedom. And also the ability to avoid public transport, which, let’s be honest, is its own kind of nightmare.
So, take a deep breath, trust that your driving instructor has survived worse (probably), and remember: If you can master a roundabout, you can do anything. Maybe even parallel park.
…Okay, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.